Let's break it on down.

Single.

I was one of those young girls that dreamed about getting married, the whole knight in shining armor, romantic fairy tale love. I’ve been married and divorced twice. The number of committed relationships that I have had can be counted using both hands.

A great deal of my experiences have been affected by my childhood, self-esteem/self-worth (lack thereof),  and a host of other issues.

I can state without any reservations is that the quality of the majority of people that I have been involved with has been amazing. Almost all of them put up with wayyyy more than any one person should have to endure and more than most people would have put up with.

I’ve been the jealous, crazy, emotionally immature girlfriend. I have probably done every negative thing  in a relationship short of stalking and damaging a loves personal property.

I made excuses about all of my behaviors for years, decades really. Those excuses never made the next relationship fair better. I placed blame for my behaviors all the while ignoring what part I played in the demise of my relationships.

I am still friends with a few loves and exes while other relationships were so bad that there is no desire for contact on my part and/or the other persons.

 

Bisexual.

My first sexual experience was with a girl my own age. For a very long time, I did not label or claim to be bisexual. I thought of women as play partners and not potential partners. I tried to have a lesbian relationship in my 20s and that experienced turned me off even more when it came to relationship with a woman. In the past few years, I met and befriended women that I was not only intensely attracted to but could also envision myself in a relationship with. I have had another relationship with a woman who I love very dearly that went completely awry. However, I remain open to connecting with women emotionally.

Bipolar.

Ahhhh mental illness. Always fun to talk about it. There are many misconceptions about mental illness and bipolar disorder, especially among the Black community. WE don’t have those kind of problems, it’s a white people thing, etc. I have lived with depression and anxiety for the majority of my life. Some of it is related to childhood trauma but up until recently, I was able to manage. I’m now being treated for these disorders but they still have a significant effect on my life.

 

Black.

I have gotten the question for almost all my life…”what are you mixed with, what are you?” Jamaican parentage with some Cuban roots as well. I also grew up in a military environment where I had the opportunity to interact with different cultures & races, as well as live in multiple states and even another country. I firmly believe that my upbringing gave me a different perspective than someone who grow up in one place and has not traveled. I was tease mercilessly in school (oreo, wanna be white, think she is better, snob, stuck up) like so many others, and believe or not, there are still some adults that throw those judgments at me when they feel I am not “black enough.”

 

Poly.

Polyamory is generally defined by most as being “romantically involved with more than one person at the same time with the full consent and knowledge of all parties involved.” That’s my working definition anyway. I was a swinger for a very long period of time. And I don’t regret or criticize swinging at all. Believe it or not, it did boost my ego and self-esteem.  That time in my life also sparked some introspection and evaluation of who I am as a person. And of course, all that introspection has led me to right here and now J. I’ve had open marriages, open relationships, polyamorous relationships and monogamous relationships.  Each has had its own challenges and its own rewards. No regret there either.